dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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