Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
