he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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