I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
