By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
