Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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