Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
