Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
