I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
