so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
whose ass print is on the piano?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
