I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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