somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
