What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
