Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
