Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
