I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I believe in your delicious
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
