i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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