who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
