Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
