Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
