that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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