he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
