Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
