There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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