Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
