john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love accidental penises.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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