This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
