It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
