he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
