Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
