dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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