Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
