I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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