I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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