Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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