Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
