can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
