we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
