Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
