I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
