I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
