Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
