I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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