the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
