she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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