3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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