if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
