First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
