so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
