Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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